Steamed Choco Cake

ini harusnya udah gue posting semenjak beberapa hari lalu. tapi masih nyangkut di draft karna males nulis via laptop. karna waktu itu libur beberapa hari, gue nyoba resep nih. gampaaaang and ga ribet kok ! namanya sih harusnya Steamed Moist Chocolate Cake. tapiiii berhubung gue yang bikin, moist nya ilangin deh ya karna ga begitu moist. hikss

I preset to youuuuu... 

Steamed Choco Cake.

tadaaaaaaa.. !!!!

so, anyone wants to try ?  

here is the recipe !

Bahan yang dibutuhin:

Bahan A:

+ 3/4 bar unsalted butter (1 bar = 200gr)

+ 1 cup gula kastor

+ 1/2 kaleng susu evaporated (1 kaleng = 400gr, gue pake merk carnation)

+ 2 butir telor, kocok lepas

+ 1/2 sdt vanilla extract

Bahan B:

+ 1 cup tepung terigu serbaguna (ambil pake sendok, tuang ke cup...kalo dah penuh, ratain atasnya pake sendok - jangan diketok/dipadat-padatin yah!)

+ 1/2 sdt baking powder

+ 1/2 sdt baking soda

+ 1/2 cup coklat bubuk

Let's do it... !

Campur semua bahan A, kecuali telor, kedalam panci kecil.

Masak pake api kecil sampe butter meleleh. Diemin sebentar biar agak dingin dulu.

Masukin telor kocok sambil diaduk cepat.

Ayak semua bahan B ke dalam mangkok gede.

Tuang adonan A sedikit-sedikit sambil diaduk pelan-pelan pake sendok kayu/spatula sampe rata. Adonannya bakal agak encer. Beda sama cake biasanya.

Kalo udah rata, tuang adonan ke dalam loyang ukuran 8 inci (20 cm) yang udah dioles mentega ma terigu atau dialasin kertas roti.

Kukus kira-kira 20 menit.

NOTE: Lapisin tutup kukusan pake serbet biar airnya ga netes ke kue. trus selama ngukus jangan iseng buka tutup.. kata nyokap, sabaaaaaaaar...hihihihihihi.

Setelah 20 menit, tusukin lidi ke tengah cake...kalo nggak ada yang nempel, berarti dah mateng.

Keluarin cake dari kukusan. biarin agak dingin dulu sebelom dikeluarin dari loyang.

Sambil nunggu cakenya dingin. disini lo bisa nyiapin toppingnya kalo lo mau pake topping. digambar ini sih gue ga pake topping. males ribettt ! hahaha

Bahan Topping:

+ 1/2 kaleng susu kental manis

+ 1/6 cup coklat bubuk

+ 1/4 cup minyak sayur

+ 1/2 sdt vanilla extract

+ garam...dikiiiiiiiiit ajah

Campur susu kental, coklat bubuk, dan minyak sayur dalam panci kecil, masak pake api kecil sambil terus diaduk sampai kental.

Tambahin vanilla extract sama garam, aduk rata.

Biarkan agak dingin sebelom dituang ke atas cake.

Ok. final touch. keluarin cake dari loyang, taro diatas wire-rack, trus tuang topping diatasnya, biarkan toppingnya meleleh ke samping cake. truss taburin permen warna-warni diatasnya atau apalah terserah kamuu. buah-buahan kaya stroberi juga cantik... selamat mencoba

MY FIRST LOVE

What is the meaning of first love in your mind? When the first time you fell in love? Or, which one your first love is?

This is the very-very first time I talk about FIRST LOVE. I just woke up for about the previous 2 hours, I slept at dawn, and I woke up because I dreamed about someone whom I never met again since 8 years ago.

This story started when I was in elementary school on 6th grade, he was a new comer from Surabaya. And 20th of MEI 2003, cuma selang beberapa bulan sebelum kelulusan. Dia nembak gue  diperpustakaan. My very best friends involved on that secret mission! Yes, that was simple,I still remember berapa banyak keringat yang dia keluarkan pada saat itu. Hahaha. Anak kecil ! Katanya sih sebenernya dia mau ngedeketin temen gue, tapi ga tau kenapa dia malah nyantol sama gue. Poor you little boy ! that was the sweetest thing that happened in my young age. Then we were separated because I have to move to another city, and that was make us have no communication anymore. No handphone at that time,can't text each other, and we were stuck! Two years later he came to my city, we made up to meet, we met, tapi setelah itu seperti.. pertanda kalo kita udah bisa cari pasangan yang lain. Karena sebelum itu kita masih sama-sama masih single dan setelah kita ketemu, dia malah gonta ganti pacar gitu, dan gue juga udah mulai punya pacar lagi.

First love, the love that consumes you, makes the world seem brand new and feels like it’s never going to end. Most of us were kids, teenagers, some of us were a little older, but no matter when it happened, the moment you felt those butterflies for the very first time the emotions that came over you felt euphoric. Then it ends and the world as you knew it feels like it is coming to an end... Go outside, what’s that? Have fun, what's fun about losing the love of your life?! But then time moves on and the tears and hurt subside.

Yes,  life goes on.

Before you know it you’ve met someone new and you think they are the best thing out and life looks good again. But where are those butterflies and that euphoric feeling? They’re there, but they’re light. You’re more hesitant, more cautious, more jaded to that thing called love..

Gue udah 2x pacaran setelah itu. But I don’t know.. it seems like, he always has a place, he is the one who I never hate though he had hurt me, he will always have a place in my heart no matter how hard I have tried to forget, how much I hate him because he always haunted me for so long ! He contributed for making me the girl I am now, and I thank him for that. It shows that I am capable of loving very deeply, is it ?! ;)

And now, after he is bouncing over and over again in my dreams, mau ga mau gue keinget lagi. Mau ga mau gue jadi mikirin dia lagi. I have no idea if I’m completely over him but it’s driving me crazy! I have deleted him from my Facebook and his phone number also. But we are still friends until now. The last communication is happened.. hmm.. maybe last year, on Yahoo. And he is also the one reason why I change my YM id. He, now, is a final year student of IKJ. He is still in a relationship but I think he is the ones who never can live without woman. He is a faithful person though, but his heart changes so fast when it comes to love. Hahahaha just kidding, I don’t know exactly why he acts like a playboy :p

So, you, gue gatau apa gue jg juga ngebuat lo slalu inget gue, gabisa lupain gue, sama kaya lo yang terus-terusan 'setanin' gue di alam mimpi.but.. yes, take care yourself ! :)

with love,

dbc

KATA 'PERCUMA'

Mengutip beberapa sumpah serapah, keluh kesah yang ditulis oleh gue, temen gue, atau pun orang2 :

"Percuma lah gue susah payah, nilai gue segini-gini juga!"

"Percuma elo mikirin dia, dia aja ga mikirin elo. ngapain lo susah2 amat!"

"Percuma gue nungguin elo! sia2 doang tau ga!"

Gue ngartiin kata itu sebagai sebuah tindakan/perbuatan/usaha/aksi yang sia-sia/tidak berguna. Dan gue sama sekali tidak suka dengan pemaknaan tadi, apalagi kalau konteksnya dalam suatu perjuangan. Oke, semua orang pasti suka ngomong 'percuma' kalo tau dia bentar lagi mau gagal total dalam menjalani sesuatu. Suatu ungkapan kekecewaan. Gue juga suka mengumpat kesalahan diri gue sendiri dengan keluarnya kata itu dari mulut gue. "PERCUMA". dan setiap keluar kata itu dari mulut gue, benciii banget rasanya gue sama diri gue sendiri. Well, almost sih gue ga pernah nyalahin orang lain ttg apa yang udah gue lakuin, toh kan gue yg mau ngelakuin itu. Setiap usaha jawabannya kalo ga GAGAL ya BERHASIL. That's all! no even more.

Gue paling ga suka sama orang yg suka ngomong kaya gitu, even diri gue sendiri kalo lg ngucap itu. Karena pas gue pikir-pikir apa yang gue atau lo lakukan sama sekali tidak bisa dikategorikan sebagai sesuatu yang percuma gitu aja. Perjuangan yang diri gue atau lo lakuin -baik ujungnya gagal atau pun engga- sudah sangat baik. At least kita jadi tau PLUS atau MINUS nya sesuatu yg kita perjuangkan tersebut. Ga bakalan sia-sia ataupun ga guna di akhirnya. You will get something real or even abtract at the end. tergantung dari sudut mana cara kalian memandang usaha kita itu. pasti!

Jadi, tidak ada kata percuma dalam sebuah perjuangan. Jangan menyalahkan orang lain juga atas kegagalan kalian memilih sesuatu. ITU PILIHAN KALIAN apapun alasannya! Terima dgn lapang dada. Suka ya terusin kalo ga suka ya tinggal aja, simpel toh? Iya simpel, cuma kitanya aja yg kadang suka bikin ribet.

I have been facing lots of troubles lately, dan gue tau ga ada yang lebih bikin gue maleeessssss daripada ngadepin mereka dan diri gue (kadang) yg suka ngeluh! really!

Dan buat lo, yang hobby banget ngomong,"Percuma gue nungguin elo sampe skrg!","Smg aja gue dpt yg lebih baik dan itu bukan elo DBC." THAT'S ALL FINE!
Gue ga pernah nyuruh lo buat nungguin gue, itu mau lo dan itu pilihan lo, gue ga pernah maksa.
Gue doain lo bakal dapet yg lebih baik dari gue which means itu menandakan bahwa lo emang orang baik2. TAPI kalo lo dapet yg ga lbh bagus drpd gue, well... you know the rest sentence. :)
Lagian ngeliat lo yang begituuuuu mulu dari jaman dulu ampe skrg, gue juga ga bakal pernah mau buat pengen even berharap apapun sama lo.
You should  have known all that. I've told you many times. Adieu.


Cheers :)

GELISAH = DRAMA ?

Gak ada yang tau gelisah. Gelisah akan ngebuat lo nanyaa mulu. Mempertanyakan segala sesuatu, kenapa ga gini kenapa ga begitu aja toh nantinya begini atau toh nantinya begitu. Entah menjadi gelisah mungkin semakin mengasah ketajaman berpikirnya elo.

Lo mulai menganalisa sesuatu dengan otak kecil lo yang ga lebih gede dari kolor lo sendiri. Trus  abis itu bakal mulai mengajukan ide-ide. Dengan sendirinya mereka seperti tercuat keluar begitu aja , ngebantu kegelisahan lo yang jadinya malah bakal ngakar kemana-mana.

Lalu pertanyaannya muncul pada titik apa yang lo gelisah-kan?

Then you'll come up with the words, Ga ada.

Gelisah itu hanya semacam drama populer. Yang sebenernya lo ciptain sendiri. Dan lo itu adalah tokoh utamanya. Tokoh utama itu seakan-akan lo buat untuk berpikir keras. Patah hati. Menangis tersedu-sedu. Meracau ga jelas. Ga suka makan. Ga usah tidur. Kantong matanya muncul. Rambutnya acak-acakan. Dengan berat badan yang semakin tipis.

Gelisah lalu ngebawa lo buat ngedengerin lagu-lagu mellow hampir pagi. Kemudian tertidur dengan mata bengkak. Apa pula keuntungan yang didapetin pas lo gelisah.

Ga ada.

Di sisi lain, ada sesuatu yang bergerak di dalem hati lo. Ngebuat pikiran lo semakin tajam. Kaya pengen nusuk orang -- sampai berdarah-darah, mecahin kepalanya yang dungu itu, atau malah pengen menghabiskan nyawanya sekalian.

Supaya ga ada lagi hal manis di antara kalian. Supaya anggep aja kalian ga pernah punya sesuatu. Adegan ini kemudian diselesaikan dengan ucapan MAAF yang keluar dari mulut satu-satu.

Seketika itu juga sang sutradara akan meneriakkan “CUT !”

Maka drama populer itu pun selesai. Dengan tokoh yang adalah lo sendiri yang di dalamnya berakhir. Sekarang lo kembali jadi orang biasa, yang ketawa-ketiwi kenceng  sampe perut lo sakit. Mentertawakan pikiran lo sendiri.

Ini cuma drama, kan?

Lo berbisik pelan-pelan sama diri lo sendiri yang pura-pura ga ngedengerin bisikan lo itu.

ALONE ≠ LONELY

People are often alone. They may actually prefer to be alone or they may not. Anyhow this doesn't mean they are lonely or anti-social. As Tennessee Williams wrote, “When so many are lonely as seem to be lonely, it would be inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone.” You may feel lonely but chances are, you're NOT.

It's not bad being alone. And it’s not bad being lonely. Both words have a whole different meaning though. Being alone, can  bring you to a level as if you were with someone else or even grater. This somehow you need to balance. The time you spend with others, the time you spend with yourself and the time others spend with you. Being alone, only has to do with yourself and your own mind. Being lonely doesn't mean that you're in your room with the door closed and don’t want to talk to anyone. You can feel lonely even the same time you're out hanging with tons of friends. You can still feel lonely when you're out dancing, or when you're at school. You can feel lonely like anytime BUT remember you're not alone.

Many people instead of being alone, would rather go out with someone they don't really like, or they don't have much interests in common, and they don't even communicate, so they go out just because they are afraid of being alone. The thing is they are lonely. Even when they are with another person they still feel lonely. The feeling of being lonely is a level below of being afraid. So that person is afraid of being alone because of loneliness they feel. Sounds complex but the truth is, it's NOT!

So instead of going out, or hang out with someone you don't really like, BE ALONE. Being alone is something we all are in need of. even when don't understand it. We should do things we previously avoided because of the avoid-being-alone principles. Being alone somewhere, can teach you things you can't imagine. You can grow the inside of you just by "listening" and paying attention to yourself. Give yourself the time it needs so to give you more. ONLY when we are alone we have the space we need so to think about us, without being influenced by others.

You should feel proud if you're alone, and not feeling lonely because THAT way, you truly understand whatever feelings are culminating within.

regards,

dbc

INSPIRATOR

Weekend-day. Sabtu yang biasanya uring-uringan dirumah karena acara TV pun ga ada yang bagus. Tapi kali ini sedikit bisa ngebuat gue berkhayal akan masa depan. Nonton She Can di TV ngebahas tentang perempuan  yang berdedikasi terhadap lingkungan, Dr. Irina Among Pradja. Wanita jebolan FK Unpad tahun 80an ini ninggalin profesinya sebagai dokter dan memilih terjun untuk mengedukasi anak2 pemulung, kaum dhuafa di sekolah milik dia, Sekolah Kami, dan jadi pelayan kesehatan mereka juga tanpa dikasih gaji sepeser pun!

Huaaaa. Gue pengen banget bisa kaya diaaa. Dia itu inspirasi bangeeett !! tapi pertanyaannya gue bisa ga yaa kaya dia gituu ? >.< punya kemauan yang tinggi bisa ngambil resiko segede itu, pikirannya cemerlang ! kalopun emang dibilang melenceng dari jalur sih engga juga. Bahasanya sih jadi Dokter trus banting stir jadi Guru tapi jadi guru yang tetep bisa jadi dokter juga ! dia juga ngebekalin anak2 itu dengan berbagai keterampilan. Dari yang ngejahit, ngebuat kue, ngebuat pupuk kompos, ngebuat pembersih lantai, ngebuat sabun, maen alat musik juga, akademik jugaaa. She is superhero! Tapii dia bs kaya gitu jg ga lepas dari bantuan yang lainnya juga :)

Yah kaya yg kita tau, ga semua generasi penerus bangsa punya kesempatan buat ngerasain pendidikan di bangku sekolah. Apalagi buat mereka yang berasal dari keluarga kurang mampu. Bahkan ga sedikit dari mreka juga nyampingin atau bahkan ngubur impian mreka dalem2  cuma gara2 mreka ga memperoleh pendidikan yang seharusnya mereka dapetin. Rada miris sih kalo Indo suka kalah bersaing sama negara lain dalam soal kependidikan :( 

Makanya dengan sekolah kaya gini gue rasa bener2 ngebantu walopun emang gue tau, susaaaahhh banget ngajak orang yang udah biasa ga sekolah jadi mau sekolah. Kita juga kudu sabar sama ikhlas kalo ngelakuin gini2 mah. Ini namanya jurusan Preventif. Hihi :P  walopun ini jauuhh dari kesan dokter yang suka ngobatin orang sakit, toh dengan cara ini kitabisa  nge-prevent mereka, ngajarin mereka juga how to prevent themselves. Belajar peduli sama orang laen emang ga gampang. Apalagi buat mereka yang membutuhkan.  Emang banyak juga orang “kaya” yang rada ga peduli sama gini-ginian. Tapi coba deh inget,  di dalem harta yang kita punya ada 2,5 % hak buat mereka yang kurang mampu. Kita emang punya kemampuan yang beda2, semoga aja dengan kemampuan kita yang beda2 itu kita bisa berguna bagi orang lain. Mereka ga bodoh, mereka hanya kurang sentuhan kasih sayang.

Yuuuk kita mulai dari sekarang. kita belajar buat ngebantu sesama yang nasibnya kurang beruntung dibanding kita.  Saling berbagi buat ngejadiin mereka menjadi manusia yang lebih baik lagi dengan apapun itu sesuai dgn kemampuan kita. Percuma juga sih klo lo punya pendidikan yang tinggi trus sukses kalo ga bisa ngebantu orang laen n dimakan sendiri kemakmurannya ! mungkin sekarang gue belom bisa kaya dia, tapi semoga aja nanti ada waktunya gue dikasih kesempatan  buat bisa kaya beliau deh, bisa berguna buat semuanya, bisa jadi guruuu >.< semoga juga entar punya suami yang ngedukung, juga punya pemikiran dan niat yang sama kaya gue, jadinya gue bener2 bisa buat ngewujud-in semua mimpi gue itu. AMIIINNN hahaha :p

Maju Negrikuu. Maju Indonesiakuu !! :D

(picture from here)

HAPPY GRADUATION, Mr. L !

Mau nulis blog karna mau nyampein sesuatu. Tapi basa basi dulu deh, anyway, hari ini kisruh. Dari pagi ampe tadi sore bawaan ga mood. Di kagetin sama 2 hal yg bikin lumayan kaget juga. Buat yang dimaksud, maaf yah, bukannya ga ditanggepin, tapi semua butuh proses, dan sekarang lagi gamau L

Trus ngagetin juga gara2 ngedenger orang ngomong. HAHAHA skip for this part !

INTINYAAAA gue nulis blog ini sebenernya cm pengen ngucapin SELAMAT yaaa kamuu yang udah lulus. Congratulations on your graduation, Mr. L.  aku pengen ngucapinnya langsung sebenernya, tapi udah keburu ga punya muka nih gara2 si bekicot nyampein salam ! >.< padahal gue cuma becanda eh disampein benerann. Bikin maluuuu..

Yahh pointnya, semoga bisa jadi yang dipengenin deh. Cepet dapet kerja. Hahaha Walaupun kamu  gabaca ini gapapa juga. Yah karna ga kamu baca disini makanya aku berani nulis xD

Udaahh cukup segini aja. So proud of you.
Happy Graduation ! 

keep up the good work ! J

(Photo from flickr)

Kisah Satu Malam

Jadi kemaren malem itu, sehabis kita ngajar streetkids, sekitaran jam 9 malem. Kita kelaperan nih. Gue, Mojo, Manda, Oyon (pacar Manda dari Pulau Jawa) cari makan. Gue sama Mojo udah kaya kambing  conge nemenin tu anak 2. Zzzz

Akhirnya kita keliling jalan deh. Karena malem itu malem minggu, entah ada apa kok foodcourt pada penuh. Akhirnya kita cari restoran deh dan nyari resto yang makanannya wajar dan HARGA TERJANGKAU kan yee.. Oyon sama Manda memisahkan diri dari kita untuk mendapatkan sedikit privasi, haaha. Gila parah sama aja gue lagi malmingan dinner sm Mojo. Hueheu 

Gue padahal udah menyarankan untuk makan di SC atau J-co aja tapi kata Mojo kaga kenyang makan gituan. Okeeeee.. Gue ngikut aja, sampai kita melihat sebuah restoran, yang tidak ingin dipublikasikan namanya. Restoran bertemakan makanan Indonesia asli, design sangaat sederhana merakyat ala BETAWI , Mojo udah gasabar kan, langsung kita minta tempat untuk dua orang. Kita pesan makanan.

Mojo pesen : Mi kocok bandung, Nasi rames, es teh manis (makan banyak kemana larinya deh?)

Gue pesen : Sop buntut (lagi ngidam parah), es buah segar, air mineral

Oke. Kita sih tenang tenang aja. Sambil nunggu pesenan, kita ngobrol ngobrol ngalor ngidul,

(fyi: di menunya ga ada harganya)

Gue : Eh Jo kok orang orang pada ngeliatin kita semua yaa ?

Mojo : Haha iya, gatau deh. Eh tapi kok disini ga ada anak mudanya ya?  Tua tua tajir semua

Gue : Yaah mampus jangan jangan mahal lagi !

Mojo : Haha iya, ya gapapalaaah sekali kali makan mahaaaaaaal. haha

Gue : ha ha ha (sok tenang)

Ya kita sok asik banget ngobrol ngobrol sana sini ketawa ketiwi dan gue baru tau kalo temen gue satu itu tuh apal semua nama artis ibu kota. Ga tau deh lagi ada acara kali ya semalem itu di Palembang. Serba rame, serba ada artis segala.

Mojo : Yang depan kamu, arah jam 12, group band Naff.

Gue : Hah??  Emang iyaa? (perasaan itu mas mas biasa -,-)

Mojo : Eh eh, belakang kamu, kiri, yang pake hotpants! Marsha idol!

Gue : (ngeliat kebelakang) masa?? (gue aja lupa si marsha yang mana wujudnya)

Mojo : Eh yang dibelakang itu juga deh kayaknya ituu yang pake jilbab, aduh siapa yaa namanyaa??

Gue : (menjaga jarak, ini temen apa wartawan infoteimen)

makanan kita dataaaaang, mi kocoknya Mojo BIASA AJA, es buah gue ASEM PARAH es buah apa es ketek ga tau deh, sop buntut gue PORSI BANYAK GILA kuah lumayan, nasi rames Mojo STANDART AH KAYA DI WARTEG, (daging sama ayamnya ga dimakan dasar Vege !)

Intinya kita cuma yaa kenyang aja nothing speciaal, abis udah capek ngobrol ngobrol sama liatin artis kita minta bill nya, lalu pelayan datang membawa bill nya, gue liatnya 95.000 rupiah Mojo liatnya 160.000 rupiah.

Kita : Ooooohhh masih standarrtt laaaaaaaah...

Gue dan Mojo mengeluarkan uang masing masing seadanya. (fyi : gue di dompet cuma ada 72.000 rupiah) kita kasih ke pelayan, ehh beberapa menit kemudian si pelayan balik lagi.

Pelayan yang jeli dan teliti : maaf mas, ini kurang, totalnya ini 195.305 rupiah (menunjuk bagian bon paling bawah)

Mojo : haaaaaaa ???

Gue : ASTAGAAA astagfirulooooohh... yaaampuuunn paraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh ini paraaah mahal banget!! aku ngga punya uaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanggggg!!! huaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

Mojo : Sssshh.. Yaudah sih ngmgnya jangan kenceng kenceng, hhaha yaudah santai (semua nya makin ngeliatin kita)

Gue : Seriusss aku cuma punya 72.000 doangg huaaaaaaaaaaaa gimana niiiiiiiiiiiiihhh (serius gue takut bgt suruh nyuci piring kan)

Mojo : Yaudah sini kasih 50.000 nya 20.000-nya keep aja dulu

Gue : huaaaaaaaaa makasih yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (sujud sujud gajadi nyuci piring)

Oke ga perlu lagi gue ceritakan bagaimana perasaan gue saat itu, sudah cukup. Harga diri sudah habis terampas -_-

Abis itu kita pamer ke Oyon sama Manda, Soal dinner kita yang super mahal, hahahha muka gue udah pucet banget udah ga punya apa apa lagi. Terus abis itu kita jalan lagi deh (mau pulang), eh ada pasar malem. Si Manda  kegatelan pengen naek bianglala sm Oyon. Zzzz anak kucing !

Karena gue dan Mojo sudah tidak memiliki apa apa lagi akhirnya kita tau diri, ga main apa apa, tertunduk letih. Dan kemudian pulang sekitar jam 11an malam.

Yahh begitulah lebih kurang ceritanya tentang Kisah Satu Malam kita kemaren malam. 

Thank you for that awesome night fellas ! And for Manda, keepin' strong fight the distance yaa hehe

Sampai jumpa di cerita selanjutnya !

IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO

Hey, I write again. this time, this writing is inspired from someone though. and I make it mine with some changes in some parts. I found it so interesting to write one for my Future Man.

Dear Future Man in Aya's Life,

     First of all, Future Man, please notice how I did not address this letter to my "Future Boyfriend". I refrained from using such a word as... boyfriend, because I have changed my own expectations as well. Consider this, as much as I'd like to have a boyfriend, I have realized that in the bigger picture, that is not really what I want right now.  Future Man, I am a believer in every thing happens for a reason so if you absolutely rock my world and change my mind on any of stuffs, well then so be it but for now while you are still make believe, I have the ability to control the situation.

    By the way, Future Man, I am now in K*C waiting for my aunty from window shopping, you know I hate wasting my time shopping in the mall, don't you? Okay, so I received a wedding invitation 'again' this morning, one of my classmate in SHS is gonna get married next week. WHAT A SURPRISE! I do not even realize that I am now is my 20's. My target for getting married is 24 or 25. wth.. it will happen to me too within the next few years. oh my god. I have to meet you soon then!

          I am writing this when I do not know you exactly or maybe I have met you or I am with you now but we do not know we are destined to be together till the time we are spouse to each other.  Future Man, the readers are all shaking their heads' right now. They cannot even believe the words they are reading because they have been through it all with me. They have read about the countless failed dates, miserable situations, attempts to re-kindle past loves, and how I've somehow managed to remain hopeful throughout it all. Future Man, an average of  hundreds of people are ready to kiss the freakin' ground you walk on. Some will kiss it so that I can finally shut the eff up. Some will kiss it because they are ready to see me happy. And some will kiss it because they know that while we may be in newly found bliss, that there will undoubtedly be more stories to come from our non-relationship relationship.

     While we're on the subject, Future Man, you should know that I write a blog. All of my posts are based on the real-life, down and dirty experiences of Aya's daily and long-term life. The basis of my writing could from something you say, something you do, or anything that you fail to say or do. Be prepared for this, Future Man. Most things that happen between us, if they occur in public, should be considered fair game when it comes to posting but I promise to use discretion when it comes to our private life. Future Man, you should also understand that of the hundreds of people who read my blog, there is only a small handful of people who will actually know who the heck you are. I know this because I know that I don't individually communicate with those hundreds of people very often so the majority of the readers read about my life for entertainment and as a means of relating to my experiences. They do not read because they really care to find out the true identities of the many code-named men. HAHA.

      With all of that being said, Future Man, based on events in recent weeks, I have discovered that there are just three things that I want you to know right now. 

The first is that the little things go a long way.  They don't take too much time but they let me know you care without being too serious. I promise I won't think you want to marry me but it will make me feel like a million bucks in that moment. I am a highly expressive person so you can be sure the gestures will be returned. And that's what it's all about, right? It's about feeling good and enjoying the moments. This should be fun and as soon as it's not....I'm out.

     However, I understand that there might be times when I want to punch you or when you might want to toss me out of a moving car but as long as those reasons aren't anything catastrophic, there is leeway in the "I'm out" policy. This brings me to the second thing I want you to know and that is that sometimes you forgive a person simply because you want that person in your life. What I'm saying is that the expectation that things will be perfect is just dumb but the ratio to fabulous should definitely be favorable.

      Before I mention the third "thing" that I want you to know, Future Man, I'd like to go back to what I said earlier about this not being real life. I can't help but notice how high-maintenance and a little bit crazy all of this might seem to an actual potential future man. The fact that I even wrote a post like this seems to contradict the notion that I can do casual and be free-spirited but like I said, this is all considering that on my blog I can create a perfect world scenario. 

       So how this brings me to point number three is that I don't care what we do, how we do it, or where we're doing it but what matters is that we're doing it together and for the time being we're enjoying it. Over the course of the weekend, having to do with moving and other matters, I heard the phrase, "it's not where you are that matters, it's who you're with." I'm applying this to you, Future Man, because despite the fact that I just wrote this post, all that really matters to me is that you're making me happy and I'm doing the same for you.

      So I say, Future Man, given the opportunity (like on my blog),  I lack the words to describe my hope and my dream about you though. I have a lot to say about you and what I want from you. However, the bottom line is that whoever you are and at whatever phase of my life you enter into the picture, I only want two things: that we make each other happy and that at a given time we define for ourselves what making each other happy actually means. I'm excited for this next stage in my life, which is why I wish I could share my joy with you. But I'm pretty convinced that we'll talk all about this once we meet. And who knows, I'll probably have even more exciting things to tell you then. Exciting, isn't it, Future Man? 

Until we meet... 

xoxo.

     

For you.

Dear you..

Not seeing you for such a long time made me surprise when you called me over midnight last night. That was not your first time to cry on my shoulder. That was just... so sudden that made me worried and wondered why. I said 'hi', you didn't respond. I said 'whats going on?', you just still in your silent mode, but I DID hear the sob. Then I stop asking you and I gave a time to neutralize yourself from your sorrow.

I know you.  You and me had ever had such a relationship. Before that we were bestfriends and so are we now.

30 minutes passed by without any sound, but I still kept waiting anyway. Neither I  surprised nor I expected too much before you shared to me your stories. Trust me, you are going to be okay. You always will. I've known you long enough to know that you'll get through this just fine, whatever the end is going to be.

I would never forget the conversation we always had about how getting through stuff like this. Just pretend that it is just like a piece of cake though in reality, it isn't that effin' easy, but that idea works and make the problems easier to face. Then you started to talk about everything has happened to you. 

Dear you..

I know that hurts you so badly. You know it hurts me also when I see one of my closest people in sadness and feels painful in life. I know you didn't deserve it, but it's life. You have dealt with this before, and you will see another of this in the future. I'm sure.

Just remember, effin loads of wrong turn are necessary existing in your life in order to get you reach the right path. So cheer up. Smile. Laugh. I'm never going anywhere, anyway, Win.

Stay strong! I know you can through this all.


*big hugs*



ps. There's nothing makes breathing easier than hearing you laughed this morning on the phone. Keep smiling, deary.. :)

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